Letters to Jack
by hazydaze
Summary: Gwen writes letters to Jack while he is away. JackxGwen but mentions of other pairings. Read AN


A/N: So this is the beginning of a plot bunny I've had for a while so bear with as it could go down the pan. Also when I posted originally on my LJ there were 5 chapters here, I just seperated them in one post. You'll see...

Warnings are extreme aww sensations and character death - Sort of.

Spoilers for TW 1x13, 2x09 and DW 3x13

--

_Dear Jack,_

_You've been gone exactly a month. We've been looking everywhere for you. But I get the feeling it's pointless. That's the thing about circles. They are never ending. I feel like I should say something about the cases we're working on but I get the feeling that if you ever read this you wouldn't particularly care._

_Should probably start with Owen. Given what happened and all. He thinks we don't notice but he has taken to sitting down and simply thinking. He likes to pretend that he doesn't care. That he has no higher brain function for anything other than sex. Well, he doesn't. 99.9 of the time it seems._

_Tosh is still Tosh, watching after Owen when he isn't looking or being to much of a bloke to notice. I have a feeling one of these days he might just notice her yet. But still, she looks lost without you. _

_We all are. _

_But still when we got that call to the mountains. It gave us hope that you were still out there. Watching over us. Bossing us about. But it's all a bunch of nonsense isn't it._

_I'd like to say that Ianto is dealing with your disappearance but I know he's not. No, he doesn't sit around weeping but he's lost something. His glow. Like a final spark has left now that you're gone. I want to tell him its going to be okay. That you'll come back. _

_But I don't know if you will because that is what this is. Isn't it? I don't know you. None of us do. Not really. Otherwise you wouldn't leave. Or we'd know where you went. Beyond all this Doctor stuff you tell us about. _

_Nobody really talks about why or how you left. We just know you're gone and we miss you._

_Come home soon,_

_Gwen_

--

Jack's gaze slid over the tinged piece of paper, it was slightly crumpled and torn but it made him smile. Trust Gwen to do something so - human. Jack's smile grew when he saw that there were several letters along side this one.

Jack picked up the second letter…

--1 of 5--

_Dear Jack,_

_It's been three days since I wrote that first letter. You're probably wondering why I'm writing another one seeing as you don't have a post box. _

_I better just say it then. Or write it. Rhys proposed. Rhys Williams asked me to marry him. I should be happy right? I am. Just not as happy as I could be. I blame you Captain Jack Harkness. You are what is wrong with my life._

_And what is right with it. _

_I just wish you were here so that I could talk to you. Tell you what I'm thinking. What I'm feeling. Because that is what we do. We share. We learn and grow. Or something. I miss the feeling of your hand in mine whenever I'm feeling particularly down. I miss when you hug me to your side after a hard day. Just to let me know I'm not alone._

_I think its then that I realise that I don't want to be normal. Normal was before Torchwood. Normal can't exist alongside Torchwood. Alongside you. I can almost picture your face as I write this. Futile attempts to tell me I should keep my life. Shouldn't let this job consume me. _

_I'm the first to admit it has. I can't say there isn't something about the thrill of the chase that I love. But more than that I love the feeling that I know I'm doing good. I can see the affect I'm having when I send someone home after saving them from a weevil. I can see the gratitude in their eyes. _

_I bet you see that in me more than once. A sort of swoony high school girl crush until you look further and then you see the truth. I know it scares you. It scares me to. You're going to live forever. You're going to forget me. _

_But for now. I miss you. Come home soon._

_Gwen. _

--

Jack fingered the long dried ink, tracing Gwen's scripted handwriting. Had Jack had a post-box in the TARDIS he might have known about Gwen's engagement and subsequent marriage sooner. Could have made the Doctor take him back. Could have stopped her.

_Coulda, woulda, shoulda._ Jack thought.

Jack picked up the next letter, smiling at the large ink splash that came after his name.

_--_2 of 5--

_Dear Jack,  
So you've been gone two months. I'm starting to wonder whether or not you're ever coming back. I would have said you were dead. But you can't die. I would have said you did want to come back._

But I hope you do.

The team has been called up by UNIT to go to the Himalayas for some project. I didn't ask. Ianto took the details. I can see why you trust him. Love him. I want to say I'm okay with that Jack, but I'm not. I want to ask you what it all means.

Why my kiss brought you back to life. Why you took my hand in yours so easily. Why you embrace Ianto but not me. Jack all you do is fill me with questions. Questions you refuse to answer and refuse to let me find.

But ever since I got engaged I doubt more and more about whether or not its right. If Rhys is who I want to be with. Jack, I'm so lost. Do I stay and choose safe and caring Rhys? Or do I leave and wait for you. A man who might never return. Or just by thinking these thoughts we are already doomed.

What would you say even if I did ask you. No, Gwen don't marry Rhys choose me. I doubt it. Being in Torchwood has taught me to be real. That life isn't a fairytale. And because you are a good man. You Captain Jack Harkness are one of the best. You would never do that to Rhys. To me.

But I wish you would. I want the fairytale, complete with knight in shining armour. Or knight in shining SUV. A girl can accommodate. The point is, I want a reason. I need a reason. To marry Rhys, to leave him. I need something to hold on to. Like I used to hold on to you.

Jack, I'm so lost and confused.

Come home please, we need you. I need you.

Gwen

--

Jack rubbed the paper lovingly, his eyes sparkled in the dim light. Even back then Gwen was looking for answers. It was how he knew her best. Inquisitive, smart, kind Gwen. But he felt her desperation at his absence. Opening up to him with her words as no one else would - could have.

Picking up another letter Jack noticed how the pile had dwindled as he read them. Jack pressed the paper to his nose as if by some miracle he could still smell Gwen's scent on the pages.

--3 of 5--  
_  
Dear Jack,  
It's been five years since I saw you last. Why won't you come and visit?_

I suppose you're busy with Torchwood and what not. I can't be sorry I left Jack, I can't. I did what I thought was right. I did what I had to. But it's here and now that I tell you why. It's not like we can pretend like you haven't seen me these last years. I know you did. It's like I can feel you even though I can't see you. Your presence just fills me.

So instead, I will tell you her name is Ebony J. Williams, she was born 6lb 5oz with a thick head of dark hair. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I couldn't raise her. Leading the life I did. Torchwood would take that from me. Take her from me. Or me from her.

She's growing up so fast. It just shows us how little time we have. Or how much. Did you ever think about having children? I'm sure you would have been a brilliant father. All those worlds, all those things you've seen. The stories you could tell. You would make any child proud.

Tell me Jack. Tell me how you are. I bet Ianto is still keeping you on your toes. The way you two look at each other, its…heart-breaking. I'm sorry. But we don't speak anymore, we don't write. What happened to us? It's like we forgot how to be Jack and Gwen. Forgot what it's like to laugh together. I want to be able to tell my daughter stories about her Uncle Jack beyond the little time we had together at Torchwood.

I want you in my life Jack. Please…

Eternally,

Gwen.

--

Jack rubbed his chin as he read her words. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he read that Gwen knew he had been watching her. He was always watching her. Keeping her safe.

For the first time Jack acknowledged the person sitting in front of him. A young woman, a thick head of dark hair, long and curled. A sweet bow mouth curved in a nervous smile. "My mother always talked about seeing you. She was so sure you'd come."

Jack felt his throat constrict, "Ms Williams." he began.

"No please, Ebony is fine. It's what Mam would have wanted." She twiddled her fingers and pulled at her glasses. Thick black frames that would have swamped anyone else but on her - she could pull them off.

"Your mother…your mother was a dear friend of mine." Jack told her.

"She always said that the last letter was the most important." Ebony told him as she pulled off her frames and pitched her nose.

"Look if this - if this is too hard." Jack started.

Ebony looked up at him with wet, glistening eyes and Jack gasped. Her eyes were a startling - a swimming azure gaze. One, that neither Gwen nor Rhys had.

But he did.

"My mother died last week Captain Harkness. Her only wish was to see her letters given to you. So that's what I'm doing." Ebony told him as she picked up the last letter in the chest. He suddenly knew what the words would say - but he would read them anyway. For Gwen.

--4 of 5--

_Dear Jack,  
Forty-five years have passed since I met you. It seems like yesterday I saw you sauntering through my police station. Yesterday, we started chasing each other. It seems like we never really caught each other in the end either. Not for longer that a night. That night._

I would say it was the best and worse night of my life. It was the one night I had you. It was the night I knew I had lost you too. Because we couldn't let go. Couldn't go back to the way it was.

I find myself at the end of my life thinking about the things that meant most. Also the things I regret. I regret not being truthful with you Jack, all those years ago. Part of me wanted to run into your arms and tell you everything. But it wouldn't have been fair. To any of us.

But I bet you already know. You know everything Jack. I sometimes wonder if you are just collecting pieces of everything, adding it all up in your mind for the moment where it will matter the most.

What I'm trying to say is she has your eyes. From the moment she opened them, there was no doubt. For either of us. Rhys and I never spoke about it. But he knew, I know he knew. I think he consoled himself with the idea that I may have loved you. But I stayed with him.

I do love you, you know Jack. More than you will ever know. So take care of her. Take care of your daughter, her children and her children's children.

For me.

I will always love you now and forever,

Gwen

--

Jack bit his lip. His eyes scanned the words but he felt himself unable to absorb them. His daughter. Jack looked up with wet eyes and the woman in front of him smiled a shy smile.

"Mam never hid it front me you know. She showed me photographs. Told me all about you." Ebony opened her purse to an old sepia coloured photograph. The colour had completely run but the picture was unmistakable. It was a simple photograph of him and Gwen dancing at her wedding. He hasn't even been aware there was a camera taking pictures. But when it came to Gwen he had a hard time seeing past her.

"Why did you never come and find me?" Jack asked, bracing himself for whatever answer came.

"Mam. Sure she told me about you but - her throat would always catch, her eyes would fill with tears. I - I couldn't do that to her. Plus I doubt Da was over keen." Ebony shrugged.

Jack nodded. It was easier to avoid temptation if it wasn't in front of you, taunting you. Plus what kind of father could he have really been. Gwen had always been right about not being a family job.

"Your dad…?" Jack asked, he felt like he had to.

"A couple of years before Mam. His heart - just gave out." Ebony gave a wane smile, as if to say it was a long time ago.

"Well Ebony Williams…" Jack said as he stood.

"Ah…no. My name isn't Williams. It's Harkness. It's on my birth certificate and everything." Jack watched as a faint blush of embarrassment crossed her skin.

"Well Ebony Harkness. Welcome to Torchwood. I'm sure you will be a valuable member of the team." Jack said, his heart filling with pride and a simple sadness. He would miss Gwen more than he could bear. But it didn't matter. Because she was still here. In their daughter.

Living forever without Gwen had been a nightmare for as long as he could remember. But with a family to watch over - it didn't seem so bad.

--5 of 5--

End.


End file.
